Once Is All It Takes
by Becca and Shae
Summary: Complete Story - Olivia finds herself unexpectedly pregnant and faces a tough choice
1. Once is All it Takes

Colin Chapman stared at the papers in front of him - addresses of Doctors Alan Pauls and Clarissa Timmons. He imagined their faces as he pulled the gun. He wondered if they would scream for mercy. He would wait outside their houses and wait for......no, it wouldn't do any good. For the doctors to do their work, they needed assistants and patients. 

_No, they all must be punished. They will pay for the innocent lives they have taken. The Lord will exact his revenge on them. And I will be his vessel._

__********* 

Olivia felt funny. She couldn't really pinpoint what it was, but her skin felt all tingly and warm. She dismissed it as a probable reaction to hormones, but it wasn't the right time of month. Taking a few deep breaths, she glanced across the darkened squadroom at her partner. Suddenly, she felt something brush her leg and realized it was his leg. She smiled when he didn't take it away, just rubbed it gently against hers. He wasn't looking directly at her. As a matter of fact, she couldn't tell where he was looking, but he looked deep in thought. 

"Elliot." __

_Someone is saying something._

__"Elliot?" 

_Someone is talking to me._

"Elliot!" 

"Huh?" He raised his eyes across the desk at Olivia. 

"What are you looking at?" She was looking at him, puzzled. _What am I looking at? _His face grew warm as he realized he had been staring at her chest, and he became confused. 

"Sorry. I was just thinking," he excused vaguely. He looked down at the paper in front of him, but didn't read it. 

_It doesn't mean anything, right? It's natural to look. It doesn't mean I'm in love with her._

__It hit him like a slap in the face. 

_Why did I even think of that - that I might be in love with her? Because I am?_

__Olivia felt disappointed with his answer, and she had a pretty good idea of why. It was eating her alive, this feeling. And it increased in intensity every time she saw him. 

"Thinking about what?" She probed, hoping to God the answer wasn't Kathy or his children. 

"Life," he said. The squadroom was quiet, they were the only ones left there, and his voice seemed to ring out in the space. 

"Oh," she replied, let down. She turned back to her papers and noticed he had moved his leg. She sighed and rested her chin on her hands, looking back at him. "I think I'm going to call it a night." He glanced up again and looked right into her eyes. They were warm and expressive and friendly and, maybe, loving. 

_God, she's beautiful._

__The thought came into his mind involuntarily and he tried to shove it away, but it persisted. 

"Okay. You've been at this since this morning without a real break. Did you even have dinner?" Elliot asked, realizing now that she probably hadn't. 

"No," she admitted, "But I'm not really hungry." 

"Come over for coffee," he offered. She had only been to his new apartment once when he was moving in. Or moving out, more properly. Moving out of his house, of his old life. She surrendered. 

"All right. But decaf only. I don't want to miss the few hours of sleep I usually get," she grinned. He began packing up. 

********** 

She sat down on his couch while he made the coffee. 

"Wow, I didn't remember you had such a great view," she observed, looking out the window at the billions of tiny lights sparkling in the city skyline. 

"Yeah. It's really something," he agreed from the kitchen. He poured the coffee, then joined her, setting his cup on the coffee table. She took a sip from hers, then set it down as well. 

"So, what were you thinking about life?," she asked, grinning as she turned slightly to face him. He said the first thing that came into his mind. 

"That it's too short." 

"No kidding." 

"It feels like I do the same thing every day. I don't learn anything new." 

"Uh-huh." 

"I mean, sometimes I wonder if I'm stuck in a rut, if I'm learning anything from day to day...." She hadn't realized it conciously, but they had been moving slowly closer together. 

"Elliot," she whispered, and kissed him softly, gently, full on the mouth, meaning to dristract him, to reassure him. But his reaction surprised her. One hand came up to cradle the back of her head, and then he kissed her, deeply, as if he couldn't get enough of the taste of her mouth. Her eyes closed, and she made a wordless sound of assent as she kissed back. Her body quickened, throbbed. Her pulse pounded in her ears. His hand found her breast through her shirt, flattening over it. Her nipple hardened instantly. Thoughts crossed her mind about backing out, but she was hopelessly on fire now, and she had waited four years for this. 

All her thoughts of before and after were replaced by the now. His mouth lifted away from hers and he stood up abruptly, with her still enfolded in his arms. He led her toward the bedroom. He took a deep breath as he reached the open door and stopped, looking down into her face. 

"Liv," he said, "If you don't want to do this, now is the time to say so." 

"I want to," she whispered. Then he guided her into the room and lifted her up to lay her down very gently on the bed. 

Elliot came down beside her, his mouth on hers again. His hands went under her shirt, then, in a single movement, he pulled the garment off over her head and tossed it out of the way while his other hand dealt with her bra. She had been working on her belt and, by the time he had the bra off, she was completely naked while he was still fully clothed. The feel of his hard, clothed body pressing against hers made her ache. 

She reached for his shirt buttons, determined to strip him too. Then his fingers slid between her legs, staking quick, intimate claim, and his mouth hitched over one of her breasts. 

Olivia gasped, shuddering, her body instantly catching fire. After that, all she could do was cling to him and respond. 

_This was Elliot,_ she kept reminding herself, _Elliot......_

__She was pliant beneath his hands, too aroused to do more than writhe in mounting ecstasy beneath his caresses. 

By the time he got naked himself and pushed inside her, she was begging for it, gasping her need into his ear, cajoling him with her hands and her body. It felt so good, so right, that she came suddenly, stiffening and gasping out his name as he filled her. But he didn't stop, didn't wait. He pulled back out and drove in again, then kept going, his strokes violently hard and fast, his mouth finding hers and taking it, too. Kissing him back, Olivia wrapped her legs around his waist and moved with him, matching his strokes, her body catching fire again. 

He shuddered when he came, and she shuddered, too, then came again herself. 

For a moment he was still, his weight pushing her down into the mattress, his body hot and damp. Then he shifted, rolling to one side. 

"Liv." His breathing had slowed but his voice was still husky. "God, Liv. I never meant to do that." Her right hand, which had been resting on his chest, pulled away. Her head lifted as she tried uselessly to read his expression in the darkness. She didn't know what he meant. "I mean, I'm not sorry as long as you're not sorry," he added. 

"Good. Because I'll tell you I've always greatly admired Lorena Bobbitt," she laughed, "I'm not sorry." He wrapped his arms around her then and eventually they fell asleep. 

When Olivia opened her eyes pale mornig light was pouring through the window, spilling over the bed - and his alarm clock was beeping with urgency. 

"Reality intrudes," she muttered as Elliot lunged across the bed to shut it off. 

For a moment, she lay on her stomach, naked, blinking, her upper torso supported by her elbows, then she looked at Elliot. 

_I slept with Elliot. _Just putting it into words in her mind made her feel tingly all over. 

His eyes were closed, but he wasn't asleep. 

_I just slept with Elliot._

__He was lying sprawled with the sheet pulled up to his waist. She took a moment to admire the muscles in his arm. Then her gaze moved appreciatively over the width of his shoulders, his broad chest, and what she could see of his abdomen. She expected to find by now that he was looking at her with the same interest she was according him, but he was not. His eyes were still closed. Reality intrudes. 

"Good morning," he said heavily, opening his eyes and meeting her eyes. 

His gaze swept down her body, lingering in obvious appreciation of the curves of her breasts, the feminine indentation of her waist. She forced herself not to cover up. Best to get it over with. 

His eyes met hers again after he had finished looking, and he smiled crookedly at her. 

"Last night, did I remember to tell you how beautiful you are?" She shook her head. 

"I'm built like a twelve-year-old boy." 

"I've been a twelve-year-old boy, so I can tell you you're not. You're the most beautiful person I've ever seen in my life," he said, leaning sideways to kiss her mouth. She broke the kiss after a moment and climbed out of back, trying to locate her clothing. 

"I need to go home and get a change of clothes," she said, pulling on her underwear. He began to get dressed, too, trying to forget the fact that this was Olivia, his partner, that he had just slept with. "I can't find my sock," she said, frustrated. 

"What does it look like?" 

"Black. Don't bother. Get ready for work. I'm going to be late, anyway," she dismissed his help. He nodded, going to the bathroom to have a shower. 

When he got out, she was gone, but there was a note on the table. 

"_Found the sock. See you at work. _

_-Olivia_

_P.S. Did you learn anything new?"_

__He grinned. 

********** 


	2. Twice

Olivia walked into the squad room, late, as predicted. She looked around, as if uncertain of her place in the busy room. She saw Elliot sitting at his desk, his feet propped up on it as he read the newspaper. 

He didn't see her come in. Amid the people and noise, who would notice an extra person? She made it to her locker, retrieved her gun, and slid it into her holster. She slammed the locker shut and Elliot looked up, a little surprised to see her already. He'd thought she'd be another 20 minutes or so. 

"Hey," he said in a matter-of-fact voice. What else could he say with all these people around? 

She smiled at Elliot and turned as she heard her name being called from the other direction. 

She saw the captain in the doorway of his office, "In here now, Benson," came the annoyed voice of her superior. 

She looked to Elliot for a moment with questioning eyes but he just shook his head. Olivia walked into the crowded office and leaned against the window frame. 

"Why were you late this morning?" asked the Captain. 

Olivia decided not to skirt the issue so she told him the truth, well a variation of the truth. 

"I got tied up somewhere else last night," she started, "then I had to go home this morning, shower and get changed. It won't happen again." She said with a straight face. 

The captain gave her a strange look. "I trust you Olivia, I'll take your answer today but don't be afraid to tell me the truth." 

"That is the truth Captain." Said Olivia with a straight face. 

********* 

It had been a slow day at the precinct, mostly paperwork for the detectives. Olivia was feeling a little funny but dismissed the feeling quickly. She hadn't been sleeping well lately and last night's activities hadn't done any good for her record of sleep. The two detectives worked quietly for most of the day; only half their minds on their work. Around one, Elliot excused himself and came back 20 minutes later with four hotdogs, drinks and a supply of napkins and condiments. 

"Thanks," said Olivia appreciatively. 

"No problem," responded Elliot. 

They took their food up to the loft where they could talk without being overheard. Olivia sat down in a comfy chair while Elliot opted for the couch. 

They ate in silence for a few minutes, but when Elliot was finished he lay down on his stomach and propped himself up on his elbows - the same position Olivia had been in that morning. 

"I meant what I said this morning," commented Elliot, "You really are beautiful Liv." 

Olivia turned her head away, her cheeks turning rosy. He reached out and took her hand, "Liv, that wasn't just a one night thing. I really want to keep going with this. If you're up to it, you could keep a change of clothes at my place." 

Olivia smiled and squeezed Elliot's hand. "Elliot," she started 

"Benson! Stabler!" called an urgent voice. 

Olivia and Elliot stood and leaned over the rail of the loft. The captain was standing by their desks. "Lennie and Ed are waiting for you, Central Park, by the merry-go-round." 

********** 

Around 8 o'clock Olivia and Elliot walked wearily into her apartment. They had had quite an afternoon. They had gone to Central Park, a body had been discovered and it hadn't been quite clear who was going to get the case. At one point Alex and Bobby had shown up and then left, something possibly connecting this case to one of theirs, but it wasn't. In the end Olivia and Elliot had left as well, leaving the case to Lennie and Ed. Even though not everyone got the case they all agreed to meet for drinks the next night at a local pub, which was often frequented by members of the NYPD. 

The vic was a fourteen-year-old girl, pregnant, unrecognizable from the gashes, cuts and bruises on her face. She was identified from her fingerprints. Her name was Kathryn Jessica Mackenzie. She had had bright red curly hair, until the perp burned it off. Her baby, of course, had also died. Her stomach had been slathered with painted words, post mortem, "Don't kill the babies". 

Olivia, Elliot and the other detectives on site had all been miffed as to what was going on, "don't kill the babies," and here the perp had smashed bricks down on her stomach, stuck a pole up her vagina and left both her and the baby, dead, in the middle of the winter in a park. What was this guy's problem? 

Back at Olivia's apartment she gathered two changes of clothes and some food to cook for supper. When she was ready, they drove over to Elliot's place. 

When they entered Elliot's apartment they were greeted by peace and quiet. "Finally," sighed Olivia as she allowed herself to collapse on Elliot's couch. He started warming up some leftover pizza from his fridge and came into the living room where Olivia was sitting. He put two beers on the coffee table, sat down and then took one for himself. Olivia grabbed the other can, opened it and took a long drink. When she put her can back down she found Elliot looking at her, transfixed on her, and only her. She blushed slightly and he moved closer to her, their bodies beginning to warm up. 

_Déja vu, _thought Olivia. 

She moved closer to Elliot and snuggled in his strong arms. 

"I think I might be in love," he said slowly. 

Olivia didn't know if she'd heard him correctly. 

"Love?" she asked.   
"Love," stated Elliot, a pensive look on his face. 

"With" started Olivia, letting him finish the phrase. 

"You," came the simple reply Olivia had been waiting for for about 4 years. 

Olivia looked up into Elliot's blue eyes. "Me too," she said softly. 

Elliot smiled and leaned down to capture her lips in a passionate kiss. They were both startled from their kiss by a *Bing Bing*. Olivia was confused. "My timer," explained Elliot. 

They got off the couch and carried their beers into the small kitchen. Olivia had a seat on a stool at the counter and Elliot removed the pizza from the oven. 

"Pepperoni okay?" he asked. 

"I love pepperoni," commented Olivia. 

Elliot smiled and sliced the pizza. He served a slice for each of them and left the rest on the counter. Elliot sat down beside Olivia and they chatted, drank their beers and ate pizza until they realized how late it had become. 

They had learned so much about one another, Olivia found out that Elliot had another tattoo, she'd have to look for it tonight, and Elliot had learned that Olivia had a piercing. He'd have to look for that tonight, too. 

When they had finished eating, they cleared the dishes and Olivia carried her bag into Elliot's room. She plopped it on the floor and turned to see her partner, her lover, standing in the doorway, leaning against the wooden frame, giving Olivia his sexiest smile. She couldn't resist him any longer and he couldn't resist her, either. She slipped off her socks and shoes and walked over to Elliot. She put her arms around his neck and kissed him with all her strength. He responded by clasping one hand around her ass and used the other to flick the overhead light off. 

He used both of his hands to push Olivia up and into him, causing both of their bodies to heat up. She wrapped both her legs around his body and together they struggled over to the bed. He let her down gently and quickly got on top of her, straddling her strong body. Her eyes spelled desire and he knew what she wanted. She wanted everything she hadn't got last night, and Elliot was fully prepared to give it to her. 

He once again captured her lips with his and began to find his way under her shirt. He pulled off her shirt to discover a pleasant sight; a black lace bra that didn't leave much to the imagination. 

He was just about to remove her bra when she caught him and rolled him over. Now she was on top. She smiled wickedly as she reached behind her and grabbed something from her back pocket. Elliot grinned as he saw a pair of silver handcuffs. She smiled as she took first his left and then his right hand and cuffed him to the bed. 

"Now, where shall we start?" asked the aroused detective. Olivia smiled and bent down for a kiss. She was straddling him and began moving slowly up and down over his genitals, making him moan, "O Liv". 

She smiled wickedly and began working on his belt buckle. His erection was very apparent, and she could feel him under her body. She giggled as she pulled off his pants revealing a pair of blue boxers. She snapped the elastic at the top of the boxers and kissed Elliot again. Then she hopped off the bed and pulled off her jeans, revealing her long, strong muscular legs. She wore a black thong, complete with lace. 

Elliot moaned again and thrashed on the bed. 

"Be still," she cautioned, "Or else I may have to leave and leave you here, all alone, handcuffed to the bed." 

Elliot lay still and Olivia laughed. 

She climbed back onto the bed and once again straddled Elliot. She pulled off his shirt, undoing the buttons one by one. She left a trail of kisses down his chest and then moved down his body. She continued her kisses, letting them fall down around his lower area. Elliot moaned as she removed the boxers and continued her assault. He could die a happy man. 

********** 

Thanks to everyone who has reviewed so far. Keep it up! 

More to come after we write it :) 

To: TheStar414 - what was worrying you? To Maud - thanks a lot for reading our stuff. Your new story is very nice. 


	3. Instability

Olivia stretched slowly, enjoying the warmth of Elliot's arms and the slat of sunlight that fell on them through the space in the curtains. 

"Morning," Elliot said, smiling at her. 

"Good morning," she replied, "What time is it?" 

"Seven-thirty," he said, "We should get ready for work." She nodded, climbing out of bed. 

"I'm going to take a shower," she informed him. 

"Okay." 

When she finished, she came out into the kitchen, dressed for work. 

"Coffee?" Elliot offered. She accepted the mug gladly. 

The phone rang. 

"Hello?" Elliot answered. He listened, then, "We'll be right there." Olivia looked up at him sharply. "I mean," he continued, "Yes, she's here. We're having coffee. Is there something wrong with that?" He hadn't thought about it before, but it came instinctively to hide and defend himself. Olivia shook her head in exasperation as he hung up. 

"They're going to find out eventually," she said. 

"I know. I just don't think we have to release every little detail...." He smoothed a piece of her hair back and she smiled. 

"So, what was the call about?" She asked, snapping him back into reality. She grabbed their coats and handed his to him. 

"We got a message from yesterday's perp." 

********** 

"The envelope arrived here at seven forty-five. Latent came up empty," Cragen briefed the four detectives. "The message was typed on a computer." He posted a blown-up photocopy on the bulletin board. It read: 

"Elliot, 

I did not kill the baby. It was already dead. I killed its murderer. 

Surely you will understand why I had to do this. It is God's will. They will be cleansed." 

Cragen passed Elliot the envelope, where he read his own name in thick, black print over the precinct address. 

"It's personal," said Olivia, looking at him, concerned. 

"I've got Huang coming down to take a look at it, so I want you to stay here, Elliot. Munch, you and Olivia go down to forensics. Sit on Warner until she gives you the report, then canvas again," Cragen delegated. They all nodded. When Munch and Olivia had gone, Fin pulled Elliot aside. 

"So.....you and Olivia?" He was grinning 

"How'd you know?" Elliot asked. 

"John told me she was at your place when he called you this morning. You went home together last night. I guessed. Elliot didn't say anything. "I've gotta give you one piece of advice before you screw it up. I dated my partner in narcotics. It lasted about a month. Take your time. The worst thing you can do is go too fast." Elliot wasn't sure what had provoked the sudden brotherly counsel, but it make him think. 

He had never really dated Olivia, but they went straight from a friendly relationship to sex. Now they were practically living together. He didn't want to scare her off or anything. 

"Thanks," he said to Fin. 

********** 

Colin wondered if Elliot would answer the message. He guessed not. He wondered if the clinics would shut down. That would certainly save him the trouble of shutting them down himself. He turned to his plans just in case. 

********** 

When Olivia returned from the ME, she noticed something slightly different in Elliot's manner, something standoffish. 

"What did the Doc say?" She asked worriedly. He shook his head. 

"He said that I must know this guy. That I've met him before. He thinks that the mother was killing the baby and he was doing justice. Somehow, he thinks I agree with him," he said. 

"What kind of a freak is this?" She said. He wanted to hug her, but he remembered Fin's advice and crossed his arms. 

"Did you find out if our victim was planning on getting an abortion?" 

"Her boyfriend didn't even know she was pregnant. Her mother said she knew, but she hadn't decided whether or not to keep it," Olivia answered. 

"So this guy has to be someone she knows. We're looking at an isolated incident," he mused. 

"I don't think so. The attack was carefully planned, but this guy won't stop until we catch him. I don't think "they will be cleansed" was talking about the victims," she argued. 

"We should warn the abortion clinics," he stated. 

"We won't be able to get access to that information without more evidence," she countered, "We don't even know if she was going to get an abortion." 

"What? Does he have to kill someone else to prove that he's a risk?" Elliot snapped. Olivia took a step back, then regained her ground. 

"I didn't say that. We just need to prove that she was having an abortion and told someone. We need a definite motive." 

"I'd say that was pretty obvious," he said. 

"Not to a judge. We'd need a subpoena to get a list of abortion providers." He nodded. She had won. 

Seeing his clouded face, she said, "Do you want to get something to eat?" He tensed, immediately guarded. 

"Actually, I'm sort of busy tonight," he excused. 

"Okay," she said, disappointed. What had happened to 'You are so beautiful'? 

_It's probably nothing, _she reasoned, _it's not like I own him._

__But when he refused her invitation to come over the next night, she wasn't sure anymore. 

And when she woke up the morning after and rushed to the bathroom to throw up, she got scared. 

********** 

We're both super busy with school. (exams and such) 

So we thought we'd leave you with this cliffhanger for a while. 

Patience, please. 


	4. Sinking In

Olivia walked into the precinct a little late that morning, after getting over the surprise and shock of being so sick. She shot a guilty glance at the Captain, remembering her promise to not be late again. "Benson?" he asked when she had put away her scarf and jacket, motioning her into his office. Olivia walked into the cluttered space and leaned against the window frame. "Have a seat," offered the Captain. Olivia sat down and looked the Captain in the eye. She started to talk before he had even opened his mouth. "I was late this morning because I got sick. I had to clean up and change and get over here. I'm sorry." The Captain looked her straight in the eye and she looked back. He turned his head away and waved his hand, as to dismiss her. She got up and left the office, closing the door behind her. She walked over to her desk and sat down. Elliot was sitting in his chair across the desks from where she sat. "Morning," he said softly. She smiled back and rooted through the clutter on her desk, as if she was looking for something. 

"Can I help you with anything?" asked Elliot, a little concerned. __

_Well_, thought Olivia, _you could explain why for the past two nights you haven't even asked me to come over. It doesn't have to always be about the sex, it can be about being together. It's not like you're hiding it from your wife, you don't have one anymore_. She looked at Elliot and replied, "No thanks, I found it. We should go visit her school. Maybe the teachers or some of her friends will know something, maybe there was someone at school." Elliot smiled faintly, he knew something was on her mind, but nodded in agreement. They grabbed their coats and walked out of the building into the crisp autumn air. They got into Elliot's car and drove to the school that Kathryn had attended. When they walked into the school they were greeted by the secretary and directed to the high school director's office. They spent some time talking to the woman who introduced herself as Ms. Brooks. She took them to Kathryn's homeroom teacher who escorted them to an empty classroom so they could chat. Ms. Brooks then departed and found some of Kathryn's closest friends who might be able to tell the detectives valuable information. Kathryn's homeroom teacher, Mr. Donovan had been shocked to learn of the girl's pregnancy, just 3 days before her death. 

"It was all such a shock," he said, a tear forming in the corner of one eye, "She was one of our best students, polite, cared about her work, excelled in everything, save one or two subjects. An overall active student." Mr. Donovan turned away and Olivia took a moment to look around the classroom. She'd heard that sometimes some people really had to have something spelled out for them before they understood something, but she'd always thought she was pretty good at reading between the lines. That's why she was surprised at what she realized when se glanced at the black board. On it, obviously from a science class, was written, "Reproduction happens when the sperm and ovum meet and fertilization happens. This takes place after sexual intercourse between a male and a female. The sperm can survive for up to 3 or 4 days in the female, making time of conception usually unknown. When fertilization is successful a zygote is formed. A zygote is a baby in its earliest stage." Olivia gasped and turned away. Elliot and Mr. Donovan looked up; Mr. Donovan realized what she had seen first. 

"Yes, it's sad. We were studying reproduction in our grade nine-science class. Maybe if she'd considered the consequences more carefully," he paused and looked away. Elliot, in this time, had been reading the board. He looked at Olivia and tried to make eye contact but she seemed to be purposely avoiding meeting his eyes. Elliot extended his hand, "Well, Mr. Donovan, thank you very much, we'll be in touch if we need to know anything else, the same goes for you. If you remember anything please, don't hesitate to give us a call." Olivia shook the teacher's hand and followed Elliot from the classroom. They walked down to the library in silence. When they knocked on the door Ms. Brook answered it quickly. 

"I have 6 of her best friends," she started, motioning over her shoulder to the teenagers in the background. The detectives nodded, "I'll take 3 and you can take 3." offered Olivia. Elliot nodded and they entered the room. 

********** 

Olivia walked into her apartment and closed the door after she set down the grocery bag in her right hand. After interviewing the students Olivia and Elliot had gone back to the office and worked for a while, going through statements and the note. She'd finally left the office, a little earlier than usual. She'd stopped at the grocery store on her way home and picked up some food and other little things. Among them was a small pink box. She put the food away and took the pink box into the bathroom. She opened the pregnancy test and sighed as she read the instructions. When the test was ready Olivia got up slowly and looked at it. "Positive," she said softly. Olivia sank down to the floor and hung her head between her knees. She cried until she fell asleep. The next morning Olivia opened one eye and looked around, where had she fallen asleep? Just as she realized where she was, Olivia felt a yucky taste in her mouth and leaned over the toilet just in time to be sick. What a way to start your day, she thought. 

********** 


	5. Appointment

"I didn't even eat dinner. What is there left?" She said aloud, wiping her mouth with a cloth. 

_Crackers, _she thought. She rifled through her kitchen cupboards and dug out a half-eaten box of soda crackers. They didn't get rid of the acidic, metallic taste in her mouth right away. She sat down at the table and placed a hand on her abdomen to see if it felt different. It felt slightly heavier. She knew she had to go to work, but seeing Elliot was the last thing she wanted. 

_We investigate sex crimes and we didn't even think beforehand, for God's sake._

She didn't know if she should tell him. 

_If it comes out, it comes out, _she surmised_, but I don't want to force him into a relationship if he doesn't want to._ _You're getting ahead of yourself. See your doctor. Find out for sure._

__She picked up the phone and called in to work. 

"Hi, Captain? It's Olivia. I'm not feeling too well, do you need me right away?.......No, it's not serious.....I'm just going to see my Doctor.......Thanks. Bye." 

********** 

"Yes. You are most definitely pregnant. Does the father know?" Dr. Jacobs said. Olivia shook her head, a pained expression on her face. "Have you decided what you're going to do?" Olivia began to cry again, her shoulders shaking gently. 

"I can't keep it," she managed to make out between sobs. 

"Are you absolutely sure?" Dr. Jacobs asked. 

"No," Olivia said, "It's just that....it wasn't planned. If I had this baby by myself.....wouldn't that be the same thing that happened to me?" She sniffed, blowing her nose. 

"Olivia, I'm going to make you an appointment for an abortion. Best to get it done quickly," Jacobs said. Olivia nodded. It was too late for the morning-after pill and she couldn't leave this child alone knowing that it's mother didn't want it. The doctor picked up the phone and chatted while Olivia struggled to regain composure. Jacobs hung up. 

"That was lucky. You're in with Dr. Pauls on Thursday morning. He had a cancellation. That's three days from now. Can you make it?" 

"Sure." 

"If you drop by her some time tomorrow, I can get you the information and forms." 

********** 

Elliot stood up from his desk and approached Olivia when she came in. 

"Hey. Are you all right? The Captain said you were sick," he said, touching her arm. 

"Yeah. Ear infection," she lied. 

"Oh. I won't hug you then," he said, "Don't want to make you dizzy." 

_That's a convenient excuse,_ she thought. 

She nodded and he studied her face. 

"Are you sure you're okay?" 

"Yeah." 

She forced a smile before heading back to her desk. He sat down across from her and leaned forward on his elbows. 

"What are you working on?" She asked. 

"I'm supposed to be filing a report so Mr. Naswell can claim his insurance, but I'm going through Kathryn MacKenzie's family's financials," he said. He was staring into her eyes and she wondered if she had been wrong. 

"I'll do the insurance report," she offered, "Find out if someone paid for an abortion." 

"You sure?" Elliot said. 

"Yeah." Maybe the last few days could be attributed to a mood swing of his. She leaned forward and moved her leg so it gently nudged his, testing him. He yanked his leg away and caught the surprise on her face. She pretended it was an accident and quickly busied herself with the report. 

After a while, Elliot pushed a paper across the desk to Olivia. 

"Take a look at this," he said, "Her parents have monthly payments to her medical plan, all equal increments, but this month is twice as much." 

"Maybe her mother got an X-ray," Olivia offered. 

"Maybe the father paid for her abortion," Elliot said. He leaned back, putting his hands behind his head. "Why'd you think she decided not to keep it?" Olivia swallowed. 

"It wasn't planned," she said nonchalantly. 

"Her fault," he shrugged. Olivia looked at him incredulously. 

"Her fault?! What about the boyfriend?" She exclaimed. 

"Of course he's responsible, too," Elliot said, puzzled at her reaction. 

"Besides," Olivia said, "She's a teenager. School's like a full-time job. Maybe she didn't want to screw up her life." She knew she sounded overly defensive. 

"Well it's pretty well screwed up now." 


	6. Opinion

Olivia left the office early and went directly to her doctor's office. The receptionist had the forms for her to fill out and she spent half an hour in the waiting room doing that. After she was finished the receptionist faxed over the papers and gave Olivia a little piece of paper with the date, time and location of her appointment. She had just turned to go when she heard a familiar voice behind her, 

"Olivia? What are you doing here?" Olivia tensed up and turned, "I could ask you the same thing Elliot." She said in a cool voice. 

"Jeesh," responded Elliot, "Give a guy some slack." Olivia looked at her shoes, 

"Okay then," she said, looking back up at him, "I'm leaving." She turned and started towards the door. She felt someone grab onto the arm of her jacket, 

"Liv, wait. I'm here because I got a call from Kathryn's mother, their family doctor practices here. She was going through her daughter's room and found an appointment card to come see the doctor so she called us when neither the doctor, nor the receptionist would release any details of the appointment over the phone." Olivia took in all of this information. "And what are you doing here?" asked Elliot. 

"Ummm" started Olivia. 

"Olivia!" came a booming voice. Both Elliot and Olivia turned to see Dr. Jacobs coming out from his office. Elliot stuck out his hand, "Detective Stabler, Dr. Jacobs, were you Kathryn Mackenzie's doctor?" The doctor was a little confused and thought about Elliot's question. 

"How about you come into my office, the both of you." He said, taking Olivia by the arm and showing them into the small but nice office. After shutting the door he motioned for the two detectives to take a seat. He sat down across the desk from them and looked each one in the eye. 

"Kathryn was in an unfortunate situation for someone her age. I was prepared to help her, she thought her family and the father would as well. She was prepared to have an abortion. Truly, the child was frightened to death. Poor thing. I should have talked to her parents, but there's Doctor/patient confidentiality in the way of that. She would've had to tell them herself." The doctor sighed and turned in his chair to look out the window. Elliot and Olivia exchanged a glance. Elliot sat up in his chair, 

"Do you know if she told anyone about getting an abortion?" Olivia sat up straight and listened closely to the doctor. 

"No, she was only here once. She wasn't a very talkative girl. She had many secrets." ********** 

Olivia walked into her apartment after a long day. She'd gotten the day off on Thursday, she'd told the captain it was for personal reasons. Elliot had raised his eyebrows in question but she'd released no further details. The phone rang, she checked the caller ID, a Jacobs, John. She answered the phone, 

"Hello?" "Olivia?" came the friendly voice of the doctor. 

'Dr. Jacobs, what can I do for you?" 

"I know it isn't routine for me to make house calls but I wanted to ask you some questions." Olivia consented. "Are you sure about this Olivia?" he asked, friendly concern in his voice. 

"I'm sure," she responded, "It would ruin my life." 

"I'm sorry to hear that, oh well, you know what's best for you." 

"That's right," said Olivia softly. 

"One more thing, I hate to ask this, but is he the father?" 

"I don't know what you're talking about." lied Olivia. 

"Your partner," he said softly. There was silence, "Olivia?" asked the older man. Olivia felt a tear fall from one eye and it landed on her chin, she wiped it away with the cuff of her sleeve. 

"Yes," she said softly. 

"It was just the way you looked at him," commented the doctor loosely. 

"I have to go now, I'll see you next week for my check up appointment?" 

"Very well then, see you later." Hearing that, Olivia pressed the talk button on the phone and collapsed on the couch and cried. She wiped away her tears and began making something to eat. She pulled out some leftover pizza and heated it up in the microwave. Sitting down on the couch she ate her pizza and watched the evening news. ************************************************************************ 

The next morning, Olivia and Elliot got out of the car and walked along the sidewalk to Kathryn's best friend's house. They were hoping to get some information on who Kathryn may have told about getting an abortion. Olivia was feeling a little queasy but ignored the rumbling in her stomach as hunger; she should have really eaten some more crackers this morning. Just as they were about to turn up the front steps of the home Olivia leaned over and threw up in the garbage can next to the curb. She fell to her knees and Elliot was automatically at her side. She continued throwing up into the garbage can and Elliot held her arms most of the time. He grabbed a hanky from his pocket and wiped her face. She felt a tremor run through her body at the touch of his hand on her body. It had been so long, well not really, but it felt like it. She'd never realized how lonely she was without him. 

_What a life I lead_, she thought to herself. 

"Liv? You there?" Elliot was rubbing her shoulders. She opened her eyes and smiled. When she remembered why she was on the ground in his arms she began to get nauseous. She leaned over and threw up on the curb. Elliot held her and she leaned back in his arms when she felt finished. 

"I need to go home," she murmured. "Definitely," responded Elliot. He helped her up and holding her, lead her to the car. He opened the door for her and helped her into the car. 

_This will all be over tomorrow_, she thought. Olivia fell asleep to the sound of Elliot calling the Captain to tell him that Olivia had gotten sick and he was driving her home. She slept soundly for the trip. 

********** 

When they arrived at Olivia's place Elliot didn't want to wake her. He gently picked her up and closed the door with his foot. He walked her up the stairs to her apartment. He took off her jacket and shoes. Sensing that she was waking up he picked her up and carried her into her bedroom. He lay her down on the bed and pulled the covers over her. Olivia awoke for a moment and saw Elliot's face hovering over hers. "Go to sleep, I'll see you on Friday." He said softly. Then he left and Olivia cried. Then she slept. 

********** 

Here's another chapter. Please review - it won't kill you! 


	7. The Day

Okay. Here's the next chapter. Thanks to Maud and Marie for the compliments and suggestions. Kate - it's always great to have new Olivia/Elliot shippers - don't they go perfectly together? 

********** 

Colin Chapman smiled when he woke up Thursday morning, this was the day. This was the day that the lord had made for him. The day was going to live. The lord made babies too, but no, some of them wouldn't live. He would make sure that the doctors wouldn't either. Colin ate a good breakfast and wrote a note to Elliot. He'd never understand it, would he? 

************ 

She was early for her appointment. The clinic looked like most - sterile and unfriendly. An older couple was already sitting down in the waiting room and a few staff mulled about. The receptionist smiled cheerily at her and Olivia wanted to smack her. She felt terrible. Nausea hadn't permitted her to keep any food down, and she couldn't sleep without waking up at all hours thinking about Elliot. 

_I'm doing this for him as much as for me. Soon this will all be over._

"I'm Olivia Benson. I have an appointment at nine," she said. 

"With which doctor?" 

"Dr. Pauls, I think." 

"Okay. Just have a seat. Do you have any questions while you wait?" Olivia shook her head. 

_Let's just get it over with._

__She sat down in the green plastic chairs across from the couple. The man was covering the woman's hands with his own. Another couple came through the door and began chatting with the receptionist. The older man began to speak. 

"My wife is here to get an abortion. We have three lovely kids and we wanted four, but then we found out it had Down's syndrome." Olivia nodded politely. 

"I had to take off work, but I just couldn't let her go through this alone," he said. Olivia felt an invisible hand close around her throat. His implication was clear - Where was the father of her child? 

_Goddamn it, he's at work. And he doesn't even know._

__"Olivia Benson?" The receptionist called out to her, "Let's get you into pre-op." She took a deep breath and stood up. It was now or never. 

********** 

Elliot sat at his desk and stared across at her empty space. He missed Olivia, and he wondered if he had totally screwed everything up. Maybe he should have stopped by her apartment after work yesterday to check on her. Surely that wouldn't be going too fast. He decided to call her and see if she felt any better. She had given him quite a scare yesterday with the sudden throwing up. 

Her phone rang three times, four, five, six, and there was no answer. He tried her cell. No answer there, either. 

_There's got to be a good explanation._

"Elliot, you need to see this." It was Cragen who spoke, urgency clear in his voice. He was holding another envelope, addressed to Elliot in the same bold writing. He handed Elliot a pair of latex gloves before allowing him to open it. 

**Elliot,**

**It's me again. I'm glad you haven't tried to stop my plans for this morning. **

**It would be devastating to have something go wrong when I've put so much time into this. **

**All I can say is that, when the day is through, Hell will have trouble keeping up with the number of new tenants and Heaven will have two new spots for you and I, when our times come.**

**-C.**

****Elliot shook his head. 

"What is he trying to say?" 

"Damned if I know. I'll give it to Munch to take to the lab to get prints." 

"Quickly. He says he's planning something this morning. It's ten. There's only two hours left before this afternoon," Elliot said. Cragen nodded, turning back towards his office. 

"I'll alert the abortion providers and they can decide whether or not to take action, with this limited evidence." Fin's phone rang and he picked it up, his tone turning urgent. He hung up. 

"Too late," he said. 

"What?" Elliot asked. 

"Shooting at an abortion clinic near here. We'd better get over there," he said. 

Elliot stood up and grabbed his coat. 

"Meet you there." 

*********** 

Four officers moved around the scene of the massacre, numbering and photographing bodies. One other one collected identifications from their pockets and clothing left in bins in pre-op and began to compile a list for the detectives. The first detective, Stabler, arrived in five minutes. 

He recoiled at the sight. He had seen some pretty twisted things before, but nothing that compared with this rage, this number of bodies. There were ten in the waiting room, alone, including the receptionist, a nurse, and an older couple strewn on the chairs, their red blood standing out against the green.. All of them lay as they had fallen. 

"Can I see the list so far?" Elliot asked. Turning these people into names and numbers would help distance himself. The officer handed him a sheet of paper. The sixth name down made him catch his breath. "This one. Olivia Benson. Where is she?" 

"Um, well the ID was in pre-op so she could be in an OR or post-op. We haven't matched all the IDs to the bodies," he said. 

"Which way?" Elliot asked. The guy looked at him. "Which way?!" He shouted. The officer pointed down the hall. 

"The OR's are on your left." But Elliot was already gone. 

********** 

She was in the second OR. The body of a doctor was sprawled over her. Two nurses lay by the door, and an anesthesiologist was slumped by a wall, the blood stains chronicling his fall. There was no sound from any of the machines, including the heart monitor. Elliot pulled the body off her. She looked dead, unmoving, pale, and covered in blood. He put his ear to her mouth, but he couldn't tell if she was breathing or not. He picked up her wrist and felt a faint flickering of a pulse. 

"Call an ambulance!" He yelled into the corridor. 

Cragen, who had arrived slightly after Elliot, ran into the OR. 

"Dear God," he said when he saw Olivia. 

"She's still alive," Elliot said desprately, clutching Olivia's hands as if holding on to her would help her hold on to life. 

"We're getting an ambulance. Any minute." 

"She might not have a minute." Neither of them verbalized the obvious fact that Olivia had had a secret abortion. Elliot held her hand tightly for what seemed like an eternity. He didn't want to do CPR since he didn't know what kind of anasthetic she'd had or if it would hurt her. The paramedics arrived with a stretcher and rushed in, pulling out tubes and inserting new ones and carrying her away in a flurry of shouting. "What's going on?" Elliot asked, "Is she going to be all right?" 

"Too soon to tell. Meet us at the hospital," said one paramedic in a tone showing that he was very busy and if Elliot didn't shut up, they might lose her. He meandered back into the waiting room. Most of the bodies were moved from there already, but the room still smelled of metallic blood. 

"You did everything you could," Cragen said, noticing the expression on the detective's face. Elliot nodded. 

"Do you think that this guy knew Olivia was going to be here? Maybe that's his connection to you," Munch observed. 

"_I_ didn't even know Olivia was going to be here," Elliot said. 

"That's not it, then. What else do you think it could be?" 

"I can't believe this! You aren't even concerned that she could die? If it was one of you, she'd be sitting awake in the waiting room until she found out what was going on," Elliot defended. Cragen took his shoulder. 

"Elliot, why don't you go to the hospital? Call as soon as you know anything. We'll be over as soon as we're done here." Elliot nodded reluctantly. 


	8. Aftershock

Olivia's eyes flitted and she looked around. White walls. Doctors, nurses. She had done it, she had had her abortion and everything was back to normal. She closed her eyes and thought about the people she had deceived. Elliot, the Captain, especially Elliot. Olivia sighed and thought about when he'd brought her home yesterday. She'd felt the electricity in his touch and his hands on her body had made her feel as light as a feather. Olivia shook her head, what was this? Why was she thinking about the way Elliot made her feel? She sighed once more and thought about what she'd just done. If he ever finds out, thought Olivia. The door to the room opened and Olivia looked up, expecting a doctor. It was Elliot. What?? What was he doing here? Olivia shut her eyes and rested her head on the pillow; maybe if she pretended to be asleep he'd go away. Elliot saw her sleeping. He didn't care. He sat down beside the bed and took one of her hands in his. He gently caressed the skin on the back of her hand, making little designs with his fingers. 

"Liv, when I walked into that room I thought you were dead, honestly I did. The thoughts that filled me were horrible. It's like half of me disappeared and the rest of me couldn't continue without you. Liv, what I'm trying to say is that I think I'm in love with you. I know I was a bit of an asshole after what we did last week. I'm so prepared to make it up to you and I really hope I get the chance. The doctor said you're going to be okay" His words trailed off and Olivia debated whether or not to open her eyes. She decided on yes and slowly opened her eyes. Elliot was still transfixed with her hand and she could tell he was worried. He put his entire hand around hers and squeezed it. This was her opportunity, she squeezed back. Elliot was startled. He looked at her, her eyes were open and she was looking at him. Had she heard what he had just said? He didn't care, he wanted to love her. "Liv?" he asked tentatively. She squeezed his hand again. "O my god, Liv, I thought I'd never be able to tell you that I" Olivia put a hand to his lips and whispered, "I love you." Elliot's eyes looked right into Olivia's and he whispered, "I love you too." Olivia smiled. 

"I'd love to "talk" about this but I have some questions. Why are you here, what happened?" Elliot got serious and looked her straight in the eye. 

"That guy, C, got into the clinic, killed everyone and we're still trying to figure out some other missing parts of the story. Like why you were there" He left his sentence hanging and Olivia looked down before meeting Elliot's gaze once more. 

"Do you remember our first time?" she asked. Elliot nodded, a slight smile playing on his lips. 

"Do you remember when I got sick yesterday on the sidewalk?" Elliot nodded, thinking it all through, suddenly he stopped, mid-nod. 

"Were you pregnant with our baby?" he asked a look of both love and sadness on his face. Olivia nodded. 

"I wanted to tell you but you seemed so distant. I just, I don't know. It would all have been over and gone and I could have kept working and being with you in whatever way we pursued it." Elliot rubbed Olivia's hands and looked into her eyes. 

"Liv, I love you so much." He leaned in and caught her lips in his, a surge of electricity surged through her body, awakening the desire that had been dormant for the past week. Elliot's hand moved up her arm to her neck and he slowly caressed the soft skin. Olivia moaned, moving her hands to Elliot's chest. She broke the kiss. 

"Elliot, not here, while you're playing nurse because we're both on leave yes, but not here, not now, plus the Captain's right outside the door." Elliot jumped up, still holding her hand and swallowed. They had to tell him. The Captain greeted Olivia with a smile and he looked at Elliot. 

"Is there something you want to tell me?" he asked, directing the question at Olivia. 

"Yes," she said, "Captain, I was pregnant, I didn't want the baby, I went to get an abortion and yeah, you know what happened from there." 

"Who's the father?" asked Cragen, a slight smile playing across his lips. 

"It's me," interrupted Elliot. The Captain smiled. 

"You can both have the rest of the week off, I'll see you on Tuesday morning, regular time." The detectives smiled and the Captain left to report Olivia's condition to the other detectives still back at the precinct. Elliot turned to Olivia. 

"So what was that about me playing nurse?" he asked, a smile on his lips. 

********** 


	9. The Past

Olivia had grinned and Elliot had stood up to lean over her, moving the bar on the side of her bed down. He had kissed her again and she had responded, bringing her hand around to his neck to pull him into her. He had rested a hand on her hip and she let out a groan of pain. 

"Are you okay?" Elliot had asked, pulling back. She grimaced. 

"We might have to postpone this," she had said regretfully. 

Now she was asleep again and Elliot sat in the chair beside her bed, not willing to go home and leave her, not able to fall asleep in the uncomfortable seat. Something in him felt hurt, and he wasn't sure why. He wasn't worried about her, she'd be out of the hospital the next day and she was tough anyway, tenacious. But the thought of a baby changed everything. She was right, he knew that. She would've had to quit her job and the same thing would've happened to them as had happened to Kathy and him. 

He looked at Olivia's sleeping face and felt a stab of pain. She hadn't told him. She hadn't trusted him. He might've never found out. It hurt that she was willing to let that lie stay between them always. And, God help him, he still loved her. 

He shook himself and tried to focus on the case. He could sort this thing with Liv out later, but they needed to catch this bastard before he struck again. It had been personal from the beginning, but it pissed him off even more that this guy had the nerve to attack Olivia, and almost kill her. If only he could figure out where he knew this guy from. 

The door opened, casting a beam of florescent light on Olivia's bed. Elliot glanced up to see a priest enter. He made his way past her bed to the adjacent one and pulled the curtain open. Another patient had been moved in earlier, a cancer patient in her last days. Elliot saw the priest's shadow through the curtain. He sat down beside the other patient's bed and began to mumble. 

_Salve Regina,_

_Mater misericordiae_  
_Vita, dulcedo, et spes nostra, salve._

Elliot found himself joining in quietly. He hadn't spoken the words for years, 

_Ad te clamamus, exsules filii Hevae; _

_Ad te suspiramus gementes et flentes in hac lacrymarum valle_. 

The words were relaxing and flowed freely. 

_Eia ergo advocata nostra, illos tuos misericordes oculos ad nos converte. _

_Et Jesum, benedictum fructum ventris tui, nobis post hoc exsilium ostende.   
O Clemens, O pia,   
O dulcis Maria_. 

Olivia opened her eyes slowly in the dark and Elliot stopped. 

"Sorry. Did I wake you up?" 

"No. I wasn't really sleeping," she lied, "What were you saying?" 

"Just something I picked up back in catchesim classes." 

"Ah, the good, old-fashioned Catholic upbringing," she smiled. Elliot's eyes opened wider as an idea came into his head. It was crazy and far-fetched, but it just might be right. 

"My Catholic upbringing," he said quietly. 

"What?" She asked. 

"I've got to make some calls. Get some sleep. I'll be back soon," he said, standing up quickly. He started out, then turned back and kissed her on the forehead as an afterthought. She was already falling asleep. 

********** 

"Hello?" The voice on the other end was bleary. 

"Hi, mom?" Elliot was on his cell phone in his car. 

"Elliot?" 

"Sorry to wake you. I'm coming over." 

"Now?" 

"It's important. I need to find some stuff from my catchesim," he said. 

"Honey, I don't know where it is. Your father put it all away when you left the church. Don't tell me you're converting back..." 

"Sorry. It's for a case I'm working." 

"Well, okay. But your father won't be happy." 

Elliot shut off his phone. 

********** 

He found the list in a box in his parents' basement. 

"C, C, C, C, " he mumbled as he ran his finger down it. There were three names with beginning or last names of C. He wrote down the names, addresses, and phone numbers in his notebook, and left quietly. Try as he might, he couldn't remember any of these guys. Catholic school was a repressed memory for him. 

********** 

Colin watched CNN with great interest. The coverage of the incident was minimal. It lasted about a minute and came on after the headline news. He slammed a fist against the wall. 

No one was going to stop doing it with this kind of coverage. Nobody saw it. And they mentioned survivors. 

Colin was displeased. It had been a shoddy job on his part. He had to fix his mistakes. 


	10. Within Reach

With the help of the database, Elliot tracked down the people from his list. The first was a woman living in a moderately sized home in Queens with an armload of kids. She was a nurse at the local hospital. She could easily be the one but it was doubtful. Besides, she had been at work at the time of the attack. 

The next phone number turned up a homosexual who was not very pleased at being woken in the middle of the night but when Elliot calmly explained who he was and what was going on (in moderate detail of course) and the fact that Elliot had left the church as well, the man co operated. But he had no information to co-operate with and he lived in Florida. 

The third phone number turned out to be the interesting one. A man picked up the phone. 

"Hi," said Elliot, "I'm sorry to be calling at this hour, but my name's Elliot Stabler. I'm with the NYPD, I'm calling to speak with a," he squinted at the paper, "a Colin Chapman." He was prepared for an irritated response, as it was four in the morning. He got a dial tone. The person had hung up. There were many possible scenarios. The first one was that it might not have been Colin Chapman and maybe the person thought he was a prank caller. It could have been Colin and he could have thought Elliot was a prank caller, or he could have realized, if he's the one, that the police were on to him. The next phone call Elliot made was to the Captain. With many groans and moans the Captain agreed to come in and Elliot met him at the precinct. 

"This had better be good." explained the captain when he entered his office. 

"It is," said Elliot, "I have a new lead." 

"So" 

"This guy knows me, right?," said Elliot slowly, putting all the information in order in his head, "All those notes were from someone named C. Well, I went home and dug up some information from my catechism classes. There were three people with the surnames beginning with C. One was a woman who's since changed her name and has an alibi. The next was a homosexual who has since left the church and lives in Florida. Then the third was a Colin Chapman. When I called and asked for him the person on the other end of the phone hung up." The Captain thought this over. 

"Do you really expect me to go on this?" 

"C'mon Captain, think of all of those people." Don sighed. 

"Judge Fig owes me a favor, plus, he's a friend, he shouldn't be too mad if I call now." ********* 

An hour later, Elliot, Don, Munch and Fin were standing outside the Chapman residence, search and arrest warrant in hand. They had rung the bell once, twice, and were ready to force their way in. A woman appeared on the other side of the door and peeked through the peephole. 

"Who are you?" she asked. Cragen held up his badge. 

"NYPD, are you Mrs. Chapman?" 

"Yes," said the woman softly, opening the door. 

"Is your husband home?" The woman broke down sobbing and the detectives led her to a couch in the next room. 

"Where is he?" asked Fin. 

"He left," she replied. 

"When?" asked Elliot. 

"About an hour and a half ago, someone called and he hung up, changed his clothes and left. He just told me not to talk to the cops." Elliot cringed, had this man shot Olivia? 

"May I use your phone?" asked Cragen. 

"Yes, go ahead," said the woman, "if he's done something bad I want to help." 

"Thank you," said Munch. 

"Okay," said Cragen, returning to the group, "I've put an APB out on Colin Chapman. Now all we have to do is wait and search this house." They showed the warrant to Mrs. Chapman who let them have full range of the house while she rested on the couch. 

********** 

Olivia woke up to the insistent tapping of the morning nurse. 

"How are you this morning?" She asked. Olivia blinked, trying to comprehend what she was asking. When she realized, she did a mental check that all her parts were intact. 

"Yup. I'm all here," she said with a small smile. 

"Great. I'll just do your blood pressure and then we'll get you some breakfast." 

"When can I go?" 

"The doctor has to take a look at you, but I'd say you'll be out by noon. Do you have someone to come get you?" The nurse looked down at her gently. Olivia cringed with guilt, thinking about Elliot. 

"Yeah," Olivia replied as the nurse tightened the B.P. Cuff around her arm. 

"One-ten over seventy-five," murmured the nurse, writing the measure down on the chart, "Great. I'll be right back with your food." 

********** 

The search of the house complete, Elliot went back into the living room to talk with Mrs.Chapman. She was already being interviewed by Cragen, but he interrupted. 

"Mrs. Chapman, does your husband own a gun?" 

"Yes. A handgun," she said. 

"Where does he keep it?" 

"Beside the bed, in the dresser," she replied. Elliot pulled Cragen aside. 

"We didn't find any guns," he informed. 

"He took it with him. Where did he go?" Cragen wondered. Just then, his phone rang. Elliot went over to Munch and Fin, who were talking quietly. They looked over at Cragen, who was pretty angry about something, talking very loudly. 

He hung up. "Elliot, come with me. You two stay here," he said. 

"What's going on? Where are we going?" Elliot asked. 

"We're going to the hospital to get Olivia. One of the rookies assigned to the abortion clinic blabbed to the press. We've got a crowd of fanatics outside the hospital saying that Olivia should have died, too." 

"Shit," Elliot said. "Do you think our guy's there?" 

"Could very well be," Cragen said as they got in the car and took off. When they got to the hospital, the crowd of people was being held back by a few officers. Elliot flashed his badge and they let he and Cragen through. The crowd shouted at them, unsure of what was going on. There were over a hundred people there. 

"Not bad for a spur-of-the-moment protest," Elliot commented. He took one of the officers aside and showed him the picture of Colin Chapman they had taken from his home. "I want you to keep an eye out for this guy. If you see him, arrest him." The officer nodded in understanding. 

********** 

"You didn't do anything wrong." At first, Olivia thought the voice was her conscience, but then she realized it was the old woman dying of cancer. She turned back from the window and came to sit on the end of the woman's bed. "It was a tough choice, but you didn't do anything wrong," she repeated again weakly. 

"How do you...?" 

"I heard you talking with your.....boyfriend? Husband?" 

"My partner." The woman extended her hand and Olivia took it in both of hers. 

"I know what it feels like to give up a child. People don't think it's the same to have an abortion. People think women just do it because they can. Because they're careless," she began, pausing to cough. 

"I was careless," Olivia replied. "Aren't you Catholic?" She asked, remembering the priest the night before. The old woman laughed abrasively. 

"No. My son is Anglican. He's still hoping I can be saved." Olivia smiled. "But I had an abortion when I was younger than yourself. It was illegal then, but I was lucky enough to find a safe doctor to perform it. I was unmarried and I wanted to go to university and get a good job. A child doesn't always fit with a career." 

"But what if the people down there on the street are right? What if I really did take a life?" 

"I guess I'll find out pretty soon if God is going to hold a grudge," she joked, "But you can't worry about it forever. After I had my operation, I couldn't stop thinking about what would've happened if I would've kept it. Could my child have been a new Einstein? Or a football star? Just be thankful for what you've got," the woman said calmly, a twinkle in her eyes. 

"What?" Olivia asked at her mischevious look. 

"Well, for one thing, you've got a stud for a partner," she whispered, elbowing the younger woman, who turned to the door to see Elliot standing there. Both women started laughing and Elliot stood there awkwardly. Olivia stood up slowly, regaining her composure. She patted the woman's hand. 

"Thank you so much," she said sincerely. 

"My pleasure, sweetheart." Olivia padded over to the ward door in her crazy hospital booties and gown. 

"How are you doing?" Elliot asked. She wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him hard, pressing them both against the doorframe. 

"Feeling better, Detective Benson?" Cragen asked. They pulled apart. 

"I didn't see you, Captain," Olivia said, somewhat embarassed. "I'm just waiting for the doctor to say I can go." 

"We talked to him. If you feel up to it, we can get you out right now." 

"Well, just let me get changed," she said, retreating back into her area and pulling the curtain around it. 

"Elliot?" She called out. 

"Yeah?" 

"Where'd you go running off to last night?" 

"We think we found the guy who shot up the clinic," he said. 

"Who is it?" 

"Colin Chapman. We went to catchesim class together," he explained. "The guys are over at his house with his wife, but he's MIA." Olivia pulled the curtain back and hugged Elliot, just holding him with her head on his shoulder. 

"Did you know him very well?" 

"I don't even remember him, but it's scary to think that I could've turned out like him. I could've hurt people like you." 

"You couldn't have, Elliot. This guy's a psychopath," she said, understanding exactly what it was like to feel inherently violent. 

"And those hundred people outside?" 

"They're misguided at worst," she reassured. I saw on the TV this morning that there was a candlelight vigil at the abortion clinic. There were just as many people there, if not more." Elliot rubbed her back before drawing away. 

"Come on," he said, "Let's get out of here." And both of them thought about how close they had come to losing one another. 

********** 

Sorry about you guys who are waiting, but it won't be the last time, unfortunately. 

Fran - Keep your fingers crossed for the next part of that SVU/CI crossover. 

Maud - Thanks for your nice compliment. It's fun writing a compilation. 

Kate Anderson - Parents just don't understand, do they? My mom thinks that I watch SVU because I have a deep-seated desire to commit depraved acts of violence. Stay with us! 


	11. Shattered

Elliot and Cragen lead Olivia into the precinct. It wouldn't have been safe to take her home and, as a matter of fact, Elliot wasn't letting Olivia out of his sight until Colin Chapman was behind bars. Cragen made a few calls in his 

office and then looked out the window to see his best detectives sitting on 

Elliot's desk. Elliot had his hand in Olivia's and he thought maybe he saw a 

tear running down Olivia's cheek. 

Cragen made one more call and then he exited his office to see them. 

Elliot stood up as Cragen walked over and Olivia brushed her cheek, erasing any evidence of pain or sorrow. Cragen shook his head, 

"No word yet," he said softly and matter-of-factly. 

The detectives nodded and sat in silence for a moment. A shrill ringing came from inside Olivia's bag. She knelt down and rummaged through the bag for her phone. Finding it she looked to Elliot and then to Cragen. They motioned for her to pick up. She flipped open the phone, 

"Benson," 

"Benson, hmminteresting," came a sinister voice. 

"Who is this?" asked Olivia, already knowing the answer as she motioned for someone to get a trace on the call. 

"I think you know who." 

"Okay," responded Olivia, unsure of what to say. 

"You probably think you're quite lucky. Getting away from me once is 

difficult. You won't survive our next meeting." 

Olivia bit her lip, "You didn't get me the first time and you won't ever." 

With a nod from Cragen she shut the phone as Elliot grabbed his coat from the rack, 

"A bus station in Queens, let's go." 

***************** 

Having notified the authorities of the situation Colin Chapman had been let on a bus, which was full of police officers ready to arrest him. Olivia, Elliot and Cragen pulled up as Colin was being lead off of the bus. When he saw her, Colin spat in her direction and sneered, 

"I'll get you, Benson," he said in a sickening tone. 

Olivia couldn't stand any more; she turned and fled to the car. Elliot followed her and sat in the backseat of the car, holding her hand. Knowing they had to talk about it at some point, Elliot took a deep breath and turned towards Olivia. 

Suddenly they heard a shot and a split second later a bullet shot through the window. Elliot pulled her down over him and for a moment the two were in semi shock, not being in that position for while, his arms holding her tightly to his body, his breath on her cheek. They sat up when it sounded like it was over and Olivia looked Elliot in the eyes. 

"I love you, Elliot," she whispered softly as another shot flew through the window the glass striking her back and neck. She lost consciousness as she felt Elliot holding her tightly and heard his voice calling for help. 

************* 

Almost done! Wow, this has been a major project and we both want the ending to do justice to the characters so you have a bit longer to wait, sorry. 

Michele - Becca says she's almost finished the next chapter of her CI/SVU crossover, and I know she's got lots of people in suspense! Glad you're enjoying the story so far. 

Maud - It's always so great to read your responses. Keep writing your stories - I really liked the one you posted not too long ago. 

Are you from France? I've taken French classes for seven years, and I know Becca takes French at school, too. C'est extremement branché! 

(responses, evidently, by Shae) Keep reviewing! 


	12. Clearing the AirEpilogue

Responses to latest reviews: 

Jehan's Muse - check out chapter 1 again. You might have skipped over it, but there are subtle references to Elliot's being divorced in this fic. I agree with you that he would be extremely unlikely to have an affair. 

********** 

Elliot could see the glass protruding out of Olivia's neck as she lay, collapsed on top of him. He could still feel her breathing against him, but she was unconcious. 

"Come on, Liv," he whispered. He could see where the second bullet had lodged in the seat of the car, leaving a perfect hole in the upholstery. It was just lucky that hole hadn't been left in Olivia's head. Elliot heard running footsteps and he pulled his gun out of his holster, ready to fire. Luckily, it was Cragen and another officer. He exhaled in relief. Cragen opened the door slowly, the question evident on his face. "The bullet hit the seat. She got hit with the glass, but I think she'll be okay," Elliot said in a near whisper. Cragen nodded. 

"Colin had a second weapon, just started firing at you two. He shot an officer in the leg and Officer Kurtz shot him. He's dead," Cragen said as Elliot put his gun back before moving Olivia cautiously. Cragen helped, taking her out of the car and holding her until Elliot got out. The ambulance was already arriving and Elliot could see the huddle of officers around the one who had been shot. 

There was no one around the prostrate body of Colin Chapman. 

The paramedics took the wounded officer first, then Olivia. 

"I guess I'll see you when you get back from the hospital. It's good this whole thing is over," Cragen said to Elliot. Elliot didn't answer, just walked over to Colin Chapman and looked down at him. He could finally see the resemblance to the boy Colin. He remembered they had all teased him for being such a teacher's pet in class. 

"You thought you had her, didn't you?" Elliot said to the morbid grin on Chapman's face. "Not on my watch." 

********** 

"I was wondering when you'd get here," Olivia said to Elliot from her chair in the outpatients waiting room at the hospital. 

"Are you all right?" Elliot asked. 

"Yeah," she said, turning to show him the bandage on the back of her neck, "I'm on some heavy painkillers, so I can't really feel it. I talked to the officer who got shot, Phil Henson, and he told me what happened. Have you told Chapman's wife?" 

"Munch and Fin were just going over there, but I think she'll see it on the news before they get there," Elliot said, sitting down in the plastic chair beside her. "We need to talk about all this, Liv." 

"Yes," she replied, putting a hand on his arm, "But not here." 

********** 

"This is where it all started," Olivia said when they were back at Elliot's apartment, sitting on his couch. The silence hung between them. "So...," she said. 

"Why didn't you tell me you were pregnant? I would've supported you, no matter what choice you made," Elliot began. 

"I know. I'm sorry. I meant what I said before at the hospital. I was scared. I thought I was going to end up like my mother - with a child I didn't want," she confessed. He nodded. "Maybe I'll be ready for a child some day. If we plan it first," she added, smiling a little. She put her hand over his and continued, "Did you see him after he died?" 

"Yeah. It felt so wrong. He died thinking he had succeeded, that he had killed you. He died thinking he was going to heaven." Olivia put her arms around Elliot and drew him into a hug, enjoying the easy intimacy that had returned. 

"Well," she said, "Can we put this behind us now?" 

"I'm not sure, but we can try, " Elliot said, drawing back. He looked deep into her brown eyes, filled with love and concern. He leaned in and kissed her, mouth hot. She responded, putting her hands behind his head and pulling her face to hers. He began to push her down on the couch and she pushed him off abruptly. 

"Wait. What are we doing?" She said, breathing heavy. 

"Don't worry," he reassured, "I've got protection." She smiled and pulled him back down. 

**********   


Epilogue: 

Three years later, Olivia stood in front of Colin's grave. Her right hand was clasped tightly in Elliot's and the other supported the weight of their two year old son, James. Elliot put down a flower on the ground by the grave and then stood up. The family walked away from the grave and to their car. As Olivia was putting James in his car seat Elliot turned on the car, letting it warm up in the cold winter air. They drove off to their home where Elliot and Olivia had lived since they were married two and a half years before. Olivia turned to look at her son and found that he was fast asleep. She smiled and turned around to face the front, this was one life she hadn't given up on and she was glad that she hadn't. 


End file.
